Last week, i told my new friend that I believe that life is predestined.  But now i have to revise that outlook...because my whole perception to life has totally changed since reading The Alchemist.  And for those who have not read it, i strongly recommend it.  With everything bad that has been happening the past few years (terrorism, war, etc) its hard to imagine that some people are borned into this world with such hatred.  Everyone has a destiny...whether they choose to live it out or not...not everyone is born to be the leading rusher in the NFL or a heartless killer...these are choices they choose to make...granted some are born with more talent than others at specific task, but it is up to them to realize this and make something of it...to realize their personal legend and to live it out.  Every individual is created with a purpose on earth, and in some way or another, each individual with make a profound difference in this world.  Whether their impact will be recognized worldwide, or in a smaller scale, a difference will still be made.

PS...Alchemy - is about pursuing our spiritual quest in the physical world as it was given to us.  It is the art of transmuting the reality into something sacred, of mixing the sacred and the profane

#1 - where is God? is He not suppose to be everywhere?  ive recently been talking to many people belonging to a christian fellowship that really feel His presence around, but all ive been feeling is an even heavier burden.  just when u think things cant get any worse..........
jadakiss's "why" is my anthem..."why" is the question "what" is the answer...why do good guys always finish last? could it be that they're running in the wrong race? but what about all those people that struggle each and everyday to make a living and never get the breaks. they dont have a choice...but i guess thats just how the cards were dealt...bill gates got a lucky hand, me...not so lucky...theres no such thing as coincidence...things happen for a reason...every occurence is part of THE master plan...so then i ask the almighty question..."if God exists then why do bad things happen to good people?"  i dont doubt that God exists, but somtimes tihings happen and i dont understand...i work hard at everything i do, and sometimes i dont get the results that im looking for...just the other day, i wrote an exam that i studied hard for only to get a grade i could've got without studying at all...what gives?  how bout work...i know i do more and better than many other employees that i work with, but yet i make a fraction of what they make...how is that fair? question number two: why is life so unfair?  they say when a door closes another will open...well many doors have closed on me and i am still waiting for the one to open...i feel like im trapped in the dark...its like the "black hole" maze at screamers (for those who know what im talking bout)...ive been told that all i have to do is believe in GOD and everything will work its way out...i havent stopped believing, but i have yet to see answers

#2 - as hard as it is for me to admit it, im a very insecure person...it takes a lot for me to open up to people and for me to express myself...but truth is, im not too sure of what i want in life...im in a program that is probably one of the most competetive in getting a job...in a dead end job with no room to improve...my only escape...volleyball...ive been told im pretty good...in fact i know im good (not to sound conceded or anything)...i can actually say no one helped me to become the volleyball player that i am now...this is my own thing, i dont share it wit anyone. MINE!!!! when im on that court, i dont have to feel scared or try to hide in a corner...because im confident about my ability...im not afraid.  i want the ball, i want every play to run thru me...this is my escape from reality b/c i am not this confident about myself in everything else that i do...but what happens when ur happy place, ur sanctuary becomes infested with reality?  what happens when the one thing ur escaping from becomes the thing that u end up escaping to?  too friendly too quick? maybe thats the reason for my current mindset...

#3 - my current fad...the O.C.  what a show...summer is so sexy, alex aint bad either...how can anyone not like it...free advertizing...thurs 8pm ctv...

#4 - doesnt this feel like a "crash course in getting to know me?" its cool!!!  ive been listening to a lot of old slow jams lately...remember i swear - all 4 one, and end of the road - boyz 2 men...what great tunes...2 cds that ive been listening to a lot as well...john legend and anthony hamilton...great artisits...march 30...going to watch alicia keys...and guess whos opening for her...JOHN LEGEND!!!!! cant wait...why...this aint a movie no, no fairy tale conclusion ya'll,it gets more confusing everyday